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Name drop Louis Vuitton as much as you can, thereby hinting heavily that's why you're not in the Gucci box. Eye up the other trophy wives and feign delight with generous amounts of air kissing and gushing compliments. Tablehopping is appropriate for short periods to show off the aforementioned diamond bracelet. The plan: Play the doting wife and the gloating best friend, while perusing the tables and neighbouring marquees for other corporate types who ooze money and prestige. No harm in looking. You may become exwife number three in the future. 2. The fashion foul The look: Garish glamour. How to get it: Glaze yourself with fake tan while being wary of it trickling off your body in the beating sun like a leg of ham during basting. To your ironed tresses attach unruly hair pieces that you've carefully selected in the same shade of bleached blonde. Clip on the flimsy feather fascinator you picked out in varying shades of turquoise (to match your coloured contact lenses). Heave your bosom into the blue halterneck dress with its handkerchief hemline.
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